It's so frustrating... this friend of mine... someone I've known so long and we just don't get along. Everything I say, this friend takes the wrong way -- EVERYTHING. For a while I just ignored it and then I started thinking maybe I was just as big of a piece of shit as this friend seemed to think I was... then one day I realized that if a friend sees me that way... maybe they're not a friend... I mean it seems so obvious. But when you've grown to believe you have this unconditional love with a friend -- a sibling sort of love... I guess you just don't expect them to hate you... you see their little quips and frustrations as unrelated to you as a person... I was wrong in seeing it that way. It's been a long time since we've talked now... and I still miss this friend. I still wonder what they're doing... I still want to talk to them. BUT the thing is... I'm afraid to. I'm afraid I'll just have this image of myself reflected back at me that I don't understand. I don't think I'm a piece of shit... at least not fundamentally... I mean I'm sure I do shitty things (like forget birthdays, flake out on stuff...etc.), but I don't think i'm as bad as what this 'friend' seems to think i am. I wonder how much this friend projected onto me... how much they thought I was saying that was really just in their own head... I know this is sort of confusing to read but I wonder if it's happened to any of you... has it?

Someone you think you can be completely yourself with... someone you think understands you... just turns around one day and proves that they never understood a word you said... feels like someone died... and every time i think about it (why do i have to dwell on it???), it's like visiting a grave...

Yeah this is a bit juvenile I know but i'm just confused... and it comes up every now and then that I miss this person and can't understand what happened... I consider getting back in touch but i know things won't change... and it might even make things worse...

argh.

Edited to add: haha... hmm... this is a public post and I never do those... on purpose anyway... not that I have anything top secret and mind-blowing to say... I guess i've got this weird hope this person will read this and maybe FINALLY understand... despite everything i've just written... damn Pandora's box... (i wonder if they ever made a porno flick called that?)